Calm the F*ck Down
It’s go time. No time for setbacks. Where’s my shoe? Where are my f’ing keys? How dare you drive like you’re not in a hurry? Get the hell out of my way so I can get to work.
Can’t miss a beat or the ball will drop. They’ll think I’m stupid. They’ll fire me, or even worse, laugh at me. Have to stay on top of my game to preserve my reputation. Must not disappoint.
Can’t say no, or they’ll be offended. Gotta make a fancy treat for the event. Get all the likes and happy birthdays in. Make the house spotless, or they’ll know I’m not perfect. They’ll realize I’m not one of them. They’ll talk behind my back.
Just need the world to stop and let me be still. Just for a moment. Maybe when the lists are all checked off.
It never ends. There’s never enough time. We demand so much out of each other and ourselves. Our world is intense. We are not built for this, so we have to learn to adapt, or move to a different country.
We have to calm down. High stress levels can push us into shut-down mode. It’s hard to grasp the reality of how intertwined the mind and body are, and how detrimental stress can be, but it is so critical to pay attention to. I can suggest a few key things that have helped me.
Decide to calm down. Be intentional about your approach to your tasks. Not everything is a blazing fire. Notice your physical and mental state, and adjust it. Sometimes a decision is all it takes, sometimes you need to breathe more deeply, and sometimes you need to reset. When I feel the stress building up in my chest, I try to hold still, close my eyes, and breathe until the feeling subsides. This gives my brain a signal that I am not in emergency mode and that I can take it easy while pressing forward.
Set the tone for your day with a better morning. Which seems more valuable, the shitty sleep you get after you hit snooze, or a peaceful start to your day? It helps me so much to set myself up for a slow morning, to get ready at a relaxed pace, and then play with my grandson while I enjoy my coffee. During my drive, I count on delays to give me more time to enjoy my music and (more) coffee, instead of focusing on the insane and potentially maddening traffic.
Wind down before bed. Do something relaxing. Do something for yourself. Even for a few minutes. But make sure you can still get enough sleep and have a relaxing morning.
Stop putting yourself in urgent situations. Understand actual deadlines and stop procrastinating.
Declutter your physical space. Make a thoughtful decision about each item you possess. If it is useful or if it “sparks joy”, keep it. Otherwise it is contributing to your stress level. To be able to find anything in your house within ten minutes, and to have a place for everything, is glorious. Much better than keeping something on hand that might come in handy some day or that is too cute to give up. Pass those things along. There is someone who would find more joy in it today than you do. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo is a great example of how to do this.
Declutter your schedule, your to-do list, and your mind. The simple fact is that you have a set amount of time in each day and only so much physical and mental energy. How do you really want to be spending it? You could probably write down hundreds of things to give your time and energy to. Some of them are fixed and necessary. I’m sure there are some things you would like to do, but you give that time to something less valuable. Please put less weight on being perfect and what other people think, and start focusing on things that are meaningful to you. This is your life. You get to decide. You can’t do it all. If you can handle many instances of the F word, reading The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight will truly change your life.
Try to be in the moment instead of looking so far ahead. It is such a simple idea but so hard to do and so important. I will share some of my thoughts in an upcoming blog post.
Let’s focus on being more deliberate with our approach to life. What are some of the things that help you calm down and be more present with the things and people you love?